Maria

Lately I've been thinking a lot about my sister Maria. I mean I think about her everyday but she's just really been on my mind a lot. I miss her so much. I don't talk about her a lot because if I do I will get very emotional and I don't like to make people uncomfortable. Plus, I don't think anyone really understands the bond we shared. Maria was 10 years older than me and she was like a 2nd mother to me. After my parents divorced and my mom went to work nights the responsibility of Katheryn and I fell onto Maria. She was only 15. That's quite a responsibility. Because she was so much older we didn't have a lot sibling rivalry. Sure we argued but there was no competition between us. I went everywhere with her. It didn't matter if it was shopping or the movies or the beach. It didn't matter if her friends or boyfriend were with her. When she passed away I really felt like a piece of me died too. A piece of all of us. Our family was never ever the same. My mom's smile never quite reached her eyes, and our family had an emptiness about it. She died the day before I turned 15. So needless to say I really don't love my birthday. I just miss her so much. I'm sad that my kids didn't get the chance to meet her and neither did Jon. She was amazing. I loved and still love her very much. After my mom passed it's really just Katheryn and I left. I'm very grateful for her too but I wish there were still 3 of us. It's awful to lose a family member and I've lost 2. It really just kind of sucks.

Theater

Seeing that we are in production for The Sound of Music it's only appropriate that I blog about theater. About 4 years ago I accompanied Alexis' class on 2 field trips to see MET2 productions. The first one was Annie and the 2nd one was Big River. I was blown away. This was a local theater group? They were incredible! The following year the Seussical flyer came home from school and Hallie begged to do it. Alexis said she wasn't interested. So I spent about 1 month lecturing Hallie about how this was a commitment and even if she didn't like it she had to finish the play because I was paying for this and when you make a commitment you stick to it. She understood. 5 minutes before we left for registration, Alexis said she wanted to do it too. WHAT??? I haven't had a month to lecture her! So in the 7 min drive I crammed in all that I had been telling Hallie for 1 month. In my mind I'm thinking "These girls have never liked anything that I've signed them up for. Soccer? Nope. Softball? Nope." So who knew how theater would go. Now for those that don't know my kids, they are extremely shy (or at least they were at this point). When I arrived to register I felt very overwhelmed. I kept thinking, "What am I doing"?? The way that MET works is that at registration parents are allowed to watch for about 10-15 min before we asked to wait outside. Well let me tell you, that 10-15 min was all that I needed. The minute the director Ali began, all of my worries fell away. I watched her interact w/ this group of kids and knew we were going to be ok. The first time I saw my kids on stage I cried. I couldn't believe my shy little girls were up there in front of this huge theatre filled w/ people performing their hearts out. It was an amazing feeling! After that, we've been hooked. Alexis and Hallie absolutely love it! I've seen so much growth in both of them and so much of their shyness melting away. I have so much appreciation for MET2. Not only that, but I've met some fabulous people there as well. It's just such a great group of people. Jon is now hooked on being on stage as well. Who knew???? Jon is Mr. Anti-Social :) I call him my little hermit. But he loves it and now wishes he had found this niche when he was younger. My hats off to all of those who can get on stage and perform. I would be extremely nauseated if I did it. As a kid I flamenco danced and I never "owned the stage". I was much too insecure. So I will gladly take my roll backstage and enjoy watching my family continue to grow in confidence. It is such a joy.

Sunday

Seeing that it's Sunday I've got church on my mind. Actually more like the fact that I haven't been going to church on my mind. Most people who know me know that I am a Christian. I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and the true Messiah. I believe that in order to go to heaven you must be saved. Not baptized but saved. That means accepting Jesus into your heart as Lord. I don't believe that you have to go to church to be saved. Nor does going to church make you a Christian. I'm not against church. I think it's great to fellowship with other believers. But there are many churches that have lost the true meaning of church and there are many church-goers that are hypocrites and judgemental. Growing up I always believed in God but I didn't walk right... actually far from it. But I was surrounded by people who called themselves Christians and went to church faithfully every Sunday. Yet aside from going to church they were mean or ugly-spirited people. My dad was one of them. He called himself a Christian yet he cared nothing about the family that he walked away from. How can that be? However, at the same time I am thankful for the foundation of Christ that these people introduced me to. As an adult I was baptized and born again. For a while I was attending church every Sunday. Then I just didn't feel comfortable at our church. It was too big and there, too, I saw people that were judgemental or self-righteous. I remember one person judging me because I would occasionally work on a Sunday. Sunday is the Lord's day. Well I think that every day should be the Lord's day. Not just Sunday. After leaving that church I started attending a new church. And I like it. However, I don't go all the time. I'm lazy, bottom line. I enjoy sleeping in. But at this new church I also feel very judged when I'm not there. It's a smaller church so people notice when you're missing. I had actually befriended someone and hung out a few times but when I stopped going to church all the time she stopped talking to me. WOW right? I mean as Christians we are not supposed to only be friends w/ other Christians. How else will others learn about Christ if we only surround ourselves with people that already believe. The funny thing is that because I don't go all the time I have people telling me that they're praying for me. Ok, yes, I love being prayed for. Who doesn't? Everyone needs prayer but my faith in Christ hasn't gone away since I don't go to church. I talk to Him everyday. I don't need to be at church to have a conversation with Him. Please know that I don't think church is wrong. It's a great way to hear the Word but we should be reading the Word daily. And I will admit I've always struggled with that :) Well that's my input for today...

Perspective

Tonight I had my 5th Medical Terminology class that is required by my work. We were studing the kidneys and some information got me thinking about my own health. I sat there thinking wow, I really need to take better care of my self. I already have Gaucher's Disease so I need to work extra hard to keep my self well. Anyhow, when I got home I decided to google if anyone is blogging about Gaucher's Disease. I came across Little Miss Hannah. I've seen her story before. It's heart breaking. She has Gaucher's type 2 or 3. The worse kind. In her mom's latest blog is sounds like Hannah is not doing well and may not make it much longer. I am so saddened by this. Unfortunately there is not enough awareness of Gaucher's Disease as it is so rare. But it is such an awful disease when you are type 2 or 3. I am blessed enough to have type 1 and while I have my struggles I am pretty healthy. I've had 2 wonderful children that I carried to almost 40 weeks. And while the pregnancies were hard on my body they weren't awful and my children are healthy. I get out of bed every morning. Even though I have pain from the moment I get up, I still can get out of bed. I have no neurological problems. I go about my life like most everyone else. There are some people that would do anything to be able to get out of bed and walk or attend their child's field trip or do their own groceries. So when I have my moments of self pity or I'm so fed up with this darn disease I need to stop and think about Little Miss Hannah and her family and about all of the other people out there fighting much worse diseases and pray for them and feel thankful for being me. It's just about putting things into perspective.

Oh The Joys of Adult Acne

This morning I was looking in the mirror at a small zit on my face. If there is such a thing as "small" zit. Anyhow, I was thinking that I'm 35 years old and this is just getting ridonkulous (my word just to annoy people lol). I know it's normal to get a breakout near that lovely time of the month but as a teenager I had amazing skin. I rarely had breakouts and when I did, it was just one at a time. Then I became an adult. At that time, my body decided to let loose all that it had been storing up through my teenage years. I started to get... ADULT ACNE! Gasp! It sucked. No other way to put it. So I tried everything including Pro Active. That sucker tore my face up. I started chaffing in my eyebrows w/ that! So after trying everything out there I went on the internet (my BFF and I would be lost if it ever de-friended me) and found a site where people were talking about the Patricia Wexler line at Bath and Body Works. So with much skepticism I purchased a trial pack. I figured that this wouldn't work either and I was most likely wasting my money. Well, I have to say that several years later I am still a faithful user of the Patricia Wexler Anti-Acne Wash and Overnight Repair Lotion. I'm telling you it works! I do still get the occasional pimple once a month but it is nothing like before. I'm sure that skeptics will say that I just outgrew my adult acne. Nope, not the case! When I have run out of my Wexler and used something else, because I haven't made it the store to buy more, I start to break out again. The stuff is amazing and it's not badly priced. The facial wash is $16 and the lotion a little more. The wash lasts me quite awhile and that's with both of my girls using it too.
Who knew I could just sit here and type and type about acne. hahahaha I guess when you're putting off studying you'll do anything. :)

A couple of my friends recently started writing blogs and I really love reading them. I think it's a cool way to just post your random thoughts. So to jump on the bandwagon I thought I'd give it a shot! :)Last night was Halloween. After coming home from taking the girls Trick or Treating w/ friends I really started thinking about how much I love the community I live in. Growing up I never had that community feel where you just kind of know everyone. Now that I have it, I really appreciate it. How cool is it to show up at a house and have your friend share one of her birthday Sprinkles cupcakes with you and then take one out w/ a candle and sing Happy Birthday to your husband? Pretty darn cool!I know a lot of people rag on Mira Mesa and call it the ghetto. It cracks me up! First of all, I grew up in the hood. And my neighborhood wasn't even the worse that there is. People that base on MM have no idea what ghetto is. They are just pretty ignorant actually. I have always felt safe in MM and I love the cultural diversity. Plus, where else can you get the most amazing pancit and lumpia????Well I guess that it's for today. Pretty excited to have started my own blog. :)